Here stands my artistic representation of my new resolve. It’s red leaf lettuce. Yup. The very same lettuce I buy because I like it. But somehow it rarely gets eaten by me. The wildlife in my backyard get some really gourmet treats thrown their way. I can’t buy food at the store in advance. Who knows what I might like to eat in the future? I only know what I want to eat right when I want to eat it, and for the last few years it has not been very healthy. My attitude recently has been one of cutting off my nose to spite my face. I used to be pretty healthy, but then went through some un-pleasantries in my life. I find that my current attitude of “eat whatever you want”, “do whatever you want”, everything will be ok, really isn’t working for me. By eating “whatever” I mean eating really bad food. In all actuality, “whatever” can also mean really good food, or a little bad food in MODERATION every once in a while. My “whatever” attitude is not working. It is just making me tired, chubby, cluttered, stressed and unhappy. The “whatever” attitude is complicating not soothing. One hurdle I have is that I associate heathy with vanity. If I look back on when I was thin (which I tried really hard to be, and was for a very short time, although time enough to almost ruin my life) it feels like it was a direct path to the most miserable time in my life. I find my current blubber is a very comfortable safety suit that I really do enjoy; somehow I almost cherish it like a badge. But as I stated before, it isn’t really working. I am trying to find out what I REALLY want and REALLY need. I don’t want to be “thin” or skinny. That is a fact. Being thin was so not fun at all. I was cold and hungry and attracted a shallow, vain, materialistic & really, really mean person into my life, that I was too naïve to get rid of. Well, I did the hard work and the mean one is history. I am working on understanding that being healthy is being good to myself. I want to frolic joyously through the fields taking photos. I want to be healthy not only literally by eating well and taking care of myself, but I want to be healthy in my heart and soul and mind by getting rid of all that I engage in that is unhealthy. In 2013 (and forever) I am resolved to be kind in my words and thoughts to myself and others. I want to have healthy relationships with kind and loving people who treat me and themselves (and our world) with kindness, respect, love, and compassion. I want to focus on being grounded and grateful. I am not a victim of anything, and I certainly refuse to be my own worst enemy. From here on out I no longer associate “health” with vanity, but love and light. We create our own reality, and I believe I am ready for the reality I want, a good, positive, healthy one. I want a reality that is uncluttered, whole and pure. Beautiful. In a good way.